I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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