my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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