She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
