am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
What did we do last night that was yellow?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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