I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
