The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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