Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
