Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
