don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
