That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
