It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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