I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
