and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
