How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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