what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
