i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
