you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
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