is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
