I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
