can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
