i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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