I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
