waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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