I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
