maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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