So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
