A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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