Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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