She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
i believe in u and ur pee
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
