we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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