She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
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