i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
