i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Houston, we have a blender
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
