my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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