my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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