You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
as a side note pls kill me
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
