I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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