I just made out with a guy for $7.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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