I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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