Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
