Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
