sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
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