Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?

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(204): View more from Manitoba

all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.

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(812): View more from Indiana

I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.

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(703): View more from Virginia

Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.

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(734): View more from Michigan

Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?

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(270): View more from Kentucky

I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?

(1-270): View more from Kentucky

It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.

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(+61): View more from Australia

Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.

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(406): View more from Montana

But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers

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(817): View more from Texas

i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.

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