Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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