Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Don't make out with my wife yet
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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