What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
