I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
