I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
