nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
