The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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