If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
